8 Months ago- a Mixed Emotional Week

April 7, 2011 0 Comments Uncategorized

Hey friends-

After watching the new Desperate Housewives Sunday evening, and thinking about my next kidney transplant; I realized Monday’s date, “the 4th.” It was 8 months ago that I had my “new kidney” removed.  I started reflecting a lot about this, this week for many reasons. Little did I know that this very date may be somber for me, another friend of mine was having her kidney transplant- a rejoicing day for her. Thank goodness for this brilliant concept, called Facebook! I just so happen to check my updates.

Seeing all of her pictures documenting her journey through this process really hit hard and made me “dwell” on my own experience in the hospital. Modeling the “sexy” hospital gowns, flirting with the Anesthesiologists; enjoying my friends keeping me company, the excitement of “getting a new life”…it all came flooding back as if it just happened last week.  The ever looming questions that sit in the back of my mind- “do i REALLY WANT to go through this all over again?” Am I truly ready to face this again? And of course, the “what ifs?”

Reading her updates of her going into surgery and asking friends to pray that all goes well; the success that surgery went well and that she’s peeing…although I was very releived and happy for her; I was also very jealous that she did have a successful surgery and began to think those thoughts of “it’s not fair”.  I rebuked these “evil” thoughts and asked the Lord to replace them with joy.  I had to continue to fight the bad thoughts from coming back.

The wonderfully supportive, “Mr. Right” said the perfect advice- he’s very glad that my friend had her kidney transplant this week (before me) as this only helps me to be more eager to have mine and for it to go well.  Well said, dear! Wow! He truly never ceases to amaze me at how supportive and understanding he is through my roller coaster emotions.

This brings me to my next reflective moment of having the transplant- It’s the first week of the month. The Transplant Team meet every 1st & 3rd Wed of each month to discuss the patients on the lists or in my case, waiting to be put on the list.  I tried once again to reach my nurse coordinator- resulted in leaving a voicemail. I was persistent and went ahead and talked with the receptionist. I didn’t know what time they were meeting and if she’d get my message prior to the meeting.   I wanted to let the team know that I have chosen the pill option for the blood thinner and that I didn’t care that the Drs were still disputing.  This is MY body and this is what I choose.  I was actually highly encouraged by my social worker at the dialysis clinic to go on the pill. She said its cheaper, it’s less painful, and very easy to go off it.  We’ll see if I actually get a call back tomo (today).  I’m not holding my breath…

So, today (yesterday) I visited my friend at the same hospital where I was just 8 months ago.  As I was walking through the front doors, my heart started to race a little faster…especially after seeing one of the staff members that transported me to my biopsy. Then, as I was in the elevator, watching the numbers go up, approaching the floor that I was to exit on…I started breathing a little harder, my heart was in my throat, the tears started to well up… I didn’t know it would effect me so much… “Mr. Right” only squeezed my hand harder and said, “you”ll be okay, you’re a strong woman.”

Looking around at the nurses, trying to see if any of them looked familiar and if they would remember me? “Luckily” I didn’t see anyone.  Barging in on my friend, she was meeting with the Dietcian.  They okayed us to come in. We sat in the back, listening to her go over “the new diet.” To my horror, she said, no sushi.  “Mr. Right” raised his hand- the dietician asked him later what his question was.  He asked,” about the sushi, is that like never having it again?” She nodded, but then said, they discourage eating it since it’s raw fish; one has to eat “the right sushi.”  OMG! I don’t know if I could go without not eating sushi! I LOVE sushi! “Mr. Right” & I’s 1st official date was at a sushi restaurant. This is not okay with me!  It was rather interesting that I just so happened to visit my friend when the dietician was there.  I learned some new things.

I did have a nice visit with my friend and her mom.  Her mom was sharing how she had graduated nursing school and their class performed the first kidney transplant.  The improvements of this surgery has come a long way. I brought her a gift bag of junk food.  She was rather pleased.

It was approaching dinner time and “Mr. Right” and I were hungry- we decided to have sushi for dinner.  Heck yeah! I am going to eat it at least once a week between now, and my next transplant. I am going to enjoy it to the fullest!  I introduced him to a quaint little place that has a train. You sit at the bar, watch the chefs make the sushi; and this train goes around a track.  They place the plates of the sushi rolls on the train cars and you pick what you want to eat.  It’s funny to see a stack of plates piled high next to you.  When you’re full, the server comes by, counts the plates, and gives you your bill.  I then, treated us to dessert, Piccugio gelato.  He couldn’t believe the assortment of flavors! It was a Kodak or should I say, Facebook moment! Priceless.

“Mr. Right” commended me for how proud he was of me- visiting my friend and holding my composure.  He then encouraged me that I too will have a successful surgery this next time.  I am extremely blessed to have met him and to have him by my side.

I had my labs drawn Monday- should get the results by the end of the week.  I am hoping for another good report!  Beleive it or not, I have put on a few pounds and my jeans are fitting even tighter.  I don’t know if it’s the fact that I turned 35 and it’s now sticking to me, or if it’s fluid weight…I am of course, hoping it’s the latter.

Well, it’s almost 1:30 a.m.– time for me to get some sleep!

Thanks always for the love, enouraging support, and dedicated prayers!

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